Archive
‘Mother Warriors’ Scare the Heck Outta Me (And Other Tales of an Autism Dad)
December 5, 2011
By Dan Olawski
The first time I ever heard the expression “Mother Warriors,” I half expected to see a pink tank rolling down the street or perhaps a platoon of women in designer fatigues with daisies sticking out of their gun barrels. But then, after I let my out-of-control imagination subside, I was able to see the true strength and power of these ferociously focused females.
Over the past few years since my son Mikey’s autism diagnosis, I’ve experienced the phenomenon of the mother warrior autism mom and the oftentimes ignored autism dad. Being an autism dad is one of the most challenging things a man can experience and requires a life-altering transformation.
The mother warriors I’ve come across transcend the traditional nurturing role of a mommy to seize the warrior spirit that lets them become relentless in the drive to get whatever their child needs to thrive. The ironic thing is that the autism dad needs to go beyond the traditional male trait of being warrior-minded. No, the autism dad requires much more patience, tenderness, and love than typical of a warrior. Our fight needs to be against our natural inclinations. Moms forming groups, battling school boards, etc. shows the natural female ability to be organized and come together as a group. Men don't organize. When men organize it usually turns into a political party...and we all know how successful they are. No, men just want to fix things. How can we fix autism? Is there a tool for it? How about a little WD-40 or some duct tape?
I learned early on as an autism dad that it’s not about fixing…it’s about giving. An autism dad has to give all of himself to his child. You can’t hold back any attention, any compassion, any understanding, and most of all, any love. Not an easy task for most men.
I was fortunate to learn how to be an autism dad because of the silver lining of a dark, dark cloud. I was unemployed for almost two straight years right at the time when Mikey was diagnosed. I basically became “Mr. Mom” and was able to spend an incredible amount of time with Mikey. We learned so much from each other during those tough times and Mikey truly kept me from falling into a deep depression. My biggest smiles of the day were picking Mikey up from his developmental school and then a little later when my wife would walk in from work. My family was my inspiration and my foundation.
Being an autism dad has helped me to fine-tune natural skills I had, and to develop new skills that I never thought I’d need. Taking Mikey to t-ball and soccer is second nature to me…I waited my whole life to be a sports dad. Asking people for money while fundraising for an autism charity…so out of my comfort zone. But whether I’m helping Mikey throw a baseball, or raising $1700 for charity, it’s all with the single focus of helping my child overcome autism.
So, my advice for new autism dads, or for dads who haven’t quite figured out the whole autistic child thing, is to embrace everything there is about your child and their special needs. Go to their doctor appointments, be a part of their therapy sessions, go to their schools, get involved with autism charities, read everything there is about autism, and be prepared for anything your child needs. Preparedness is the way to win battles and wars. Just ask a mother warrior.
Dan Olawski blogs about fatherhood and his son Mikey for the Autism Society. He lives with his family on Long Island, N.Y., where he works as a writer/editor. His time is spent following Mikey with a vacuum cleaner, watching his beloved New York Yankees and continuing his pursuit of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. He can be contacted at dantheeditorman@gmail.com.
Editor's note: Do you agree with Dan? Leave him a comment and share your thoughts. Just don't forget to sign in first.
Topics:Living with Autism
Happiness
November 18, 2011
By Natalie Davis, Miss Minnesota 2011
Trevor brings me so much joy. I’d like to take the opportunity to share a few sweet stories about my brother and best friend, Trevor.
I recently headed home to Dassel to take care of some last minute Miss America paperwork, order my plane tickets to Las Vegas, and watch The Grinch with Trevor. Trevor’s favorite topic of conversation as of late is Christmas. Each year, he celebrates “Christmas in July.” This year, he was so excited for Christmas in July that he started watching Christmas movies in June. For months, he has been watching such movies as Elf, The Santa Claus, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,and Frosty the Snowman. This Christmas cheer continued past July all the way until now, a week before Thanksgiving, and I’m sure his excitement over Christmas will only grow leading up to the big day. Now, he makes lists of what he wants for Christmas, what he wants to get his family members for Christmas, and where he wants to shop for Christmas. Needless to say, he is VERY excited for Christmas to come!
Trevor also had a big day last week, appearing as a special guest at the Miss Mankato pageant, a Miss America local preliminary competition in Minnesota. He played “Midnight Rhapsody” by Melanie Bober on the piano. He was a huge hit! And he LOVED being in the spotlight! When he came backstage right before he played piano, all the contestants were dressed in their evening gowns and they told him how excited they were to hear him play. A huge grin appeared across his face, and he looked at me and said, “They’re going to think I’m cute!” Later, the contestants surprised the audience by dancing through the aisles of the auditorium. One of the contestants got Trevor up from his seat to dance. He told me later that it was the best experience of his life; he had never danced with a girl before! It was such a special night for him!
Trevor makes me smile more than any other person in the world. He is such a gift to my life.
Natalie Davis
Miss Minnesota 2011
To learn more about the Miss Minnesota Organization, please visit www.missminnesota.org. To follow me during my year as Miss Minnesota, read my blog at www.nataliedavis.weebly.com.
Topics:Living with Autism
How My Brother Disclosed his Asperger’s Syndrome
October 21, 2011
By Natalie Davis, Miss Minnesota 2011
"No! Don't say that! I don't wanna talk about it!" Trevor was having a fit. He defiantly plugged his ears and shut his eyes as I told him about the kids at Awesome Club who also had autism spectrum disorder (ASD). I sat next to him on his bed, trying to explain that having Asperger's Syndrome was nothing to be ashamed of. All I accomplished was an increase in his fury because I had wrinkled his sheets. Towering over me with his six-foot-two frame, he clumsily pushed me out of his room and slammed the door, grumbling that he now needed to fix his bed. As I stood behind the closed door of his room, I knew he was engrossed in the detailed process of remaking his bed one layer at a time. This kind of behavior was not out of the ordinary for my brother Trevor.
Asperger’s Syndrome has always been a touchy subject for Trevor. Like most teenagers, he did not want to be viewed as different. So, when I found out that on his first day of college, he had stood in front of the class and said, “Hello, my name is Trevor Davis, and I have Asperger’s Syndrome,” my jaw dropped. I might have predicted he would mention his obsession with trains or his love of his two dogs, but to disclose his Asperger’s Syndrome to 40 strangers? To say I was shocked is an understatement. Furthermore, at the request of his professor, he arranged a discussion panel consisting of himself, our mom, the head of disability services and me.
He bravely stood in front of the class and told his peers what it was like to have Asperger’s Syndrome. He explained that loud noises and bright lights bother him and that he sometimes has trouble understanding jokes and sarcasm because he views the world in black and white. He also made sure to let people know that he was smart and hard working; he would not let his disability stand in his way of success.
Trevor never ceases to amaze me. The courage he had to disclose his disability is a sign of his maturity, and I believe his ability to share his challenges and strengths will help him find success later in life. Trevor’s goal is to be a best-selling children’s author, so stay tuned! You are sure to see his books at Barnes & Noble one day!
To learn more about the Miss Minnesota Organization, please visit www.missminnesota.org. To follow me during my year as Miss Minnesota, read my blog at www.nataliedavis.weebly.com.
Topics:
Watch Out World…Here They Come!
October 20, 2011
By Dan Olawski
“I’ll be right there! Watch out world, here we come!” said Mikey as he raced across our living room. I tend to try to add my interpretation to the words that come out of Mikey’s mouth. I believe there’s often actual meaning to his echolalia-dominated sound bites. But it seemed perfectly metaphorical to hear these words a few days before the new school year started as I imagined the growing number of children with autism who would need exposure to education and proper teaching.
“Watch out world, here we come!” even sounded a little ominous coming out of the darkness that we experienced for a couple days after Hurricane Irene paid a visit to Long Island. That was at the end of a three-week period that Mikey was without school or any home services at all. Needless to say, we were thankful for the lights to come back on and for school to start back up again.
We’ve been very fortunate that Mikey has always loved school and even more fortunate that he’s always had great teachers and staff helping to address his educational and developmental needs. He’s had home services or been in a school environment since he was about two years old. This year he’s in an 8-1-2 first grade class in our school district. Mikey’s facing the challenges of a new school year, new school, new teacher, and a new school bus. Because of the way things are set up around here, he couldn’t stay at the school he was in for kindergarten last year because they didn’t offer a class for children with autism in first grade. Sadly, this is a typical problem our non-typical children are faced with every year.
It worries me when I think of how many of our children are of school age or need the formal education and therapy from a developmental training environment. I wonder: Are there enough well-trained teachers? Do we, as parents, know what we should expect or demand of a teacher or therapist? What do/should they expect from us and our children?
With about a month of the new school year behind us, it seems natural that many parents might be having these same thoughts and especially might be feeling frustrated about dealing with questions and challenges regarding their child’s education and development. Perhaps they don’t have a good resource to turn to for answers or maybe they are feeling overwhelmed by the entire process. Despite Mikey’s history of schooling, his mother and I still feel a little overwhelmed at the start of each year.
As I mentioned, over the past few years Mikey has had some amazing teachers and I decided to turn to a few of them for some advice for parents of children with autism entering a school/educational environment or for children starting in a new class or with a new teacher. These three amazing ladies have almost thirty years combined experience working with children with autism and you’d be hard-pressed to find teachers as dedicated, knowledgeable, and caring as Angela Bove (a special education classroom teacher with ten years of experience working with children with autism), Jennifer Heyman (a special education classroom teacher with five years experience), and Kathy Harney (a special education home-services teacher with 14 years experience with children with autism):
DAN: What would you say are the most important things parents should know, or should ask, when their child is starting in school or starting a new school year?
ANGELA: Parents should find out what the teacher’s philosophy is and how the teacher will communicate information to them. Parents should [also] inquire about social skills and how they are taught.
JENN: If the child is just starting to attend school, the parents should ask questions about the services that are provided (i.e., team meetings, parent training, home visits, and related services). Parents could also ask about opportunities for social skills groups (circle time, group instruction, play groups).
For students that are already in school, parents should familiarize themselves with the new classroom staff early on. Be accepting of all ideas from the new teacher, while still divulging important information about the skills that your child can already perform.
KATHY: I cannot overemphasize that parent and family involvement is key to success in the child’s learning. The home environment and parent participation is a huge factor as to how solidly a child will progress, not as compared to other children with autism, but as compared with his own potential. Parents and teachers are a team, working together for the child.
Parents will be called upon to participate in their child’s learning by understanding the child’s program and the reasons behind it, and also to generalize learned skills with consistency when the teacher is not there. Parents are a most valuable resource for teachers in planning programming.
What does a teacher expect from a new student and his/her parents?
ANGELA: I believe the teacher should have no expectations of either. Every child is different and every parent has had a different experience. As a teacher, I have no idea what it is like to live day in and day out with a child with specials needs. I make no judgment about the child or the parent because I have not walked in their shoes. I do my best to understand where the parents are coming from and try hard to help them in any way that I can.
As for the child, I do not expect anything from a new student. As the teacher, I expect to immerse myself in their world and try to gain their trust as I figure out how they think, learn, and communicate.
JENN: Every teacher should set the bar high for each student, [but] have no preconceptions. The teacher should "push" each student to perform to the best of their ability in every area [and encourage] parents to be open communicators.
KATHY: A [home] teacher will expect that parents provide a physical environment for child and teacher that is conducive to learning (including a place that is free from distractions), have the child “ready to learn” for his sessions (clean and dressed, awake and alert are usually a good start), know that teachers have different comfort levels regarding parents’ presence and/or participation while they are working with the child in a session (ask your teacher what he/she prefers, and work with that), and will be involved in their child’s learning (the more you are, the better for your child--it’s that simple).
What ways do you think are reasonable for parents to be able to communicate with their child's teacher?
ANGELA: Communication is the key to success. Because many children with autism struggle with the ability to communicate, parents need to be made aware of what their child experiences each day. Many children have difficulty with either verbal recall or they may not have the verbal ability to tell their parents how their day was. Being able to talk to a child about their day helps to reinforce language and other skills. On the flip side, it is always a good idea for a teacher to know what happened at home so they can do the same in school.
I feel that the teacher and parent should come up with a way to communicate that is comfortable for both of them. Email, texting, phone, communication books, pictures, and log sheets are great tools for communication and I utilize them all. It takes some time but in the end it makes all the difference.
JENN: Parents should always have the ability to call the teacher if they need to discuss something. Calling before school or after the children leave will allow the teacher more time to talk.
KATHY: An in-home program often allows for face-to-face communication with a child’s parents, which is wonderful. Take the time to talk with your child’s teacher.
Also, if a child is served by more than one teacher, those teachers will need to communicate with both family and each other. It is most helpful to keep a notebook in the home that all caregivers and teachers can write into, forming a “daily journal” of the child’s educational progress as well as information shared about the child’s family life and interactions.
For in-home teachers, communication by telephone or email is not very frequent, largely due to the fact that you are at the child’s home so regularly. However, they are certainly useful at times. An email shared with a child’s whole team is a very effective way send a message and/or get quick feedback without calling for an impromptu team meeting.
What kind of information should parents provide to their child's new teacher? Since all children with autism are different, what is helpful for a teacher to know right from the beginning?
ANGELA: Likes, dislikes, parenting style, prior schooling of child, whether there are siblings, any major changes that may have occurred recently, how the child communicates, health issues.
JENN: Any and all information is useful! Parents know their children best and should give the teacher any information that might help. Filling out a reinforcer inventory, informing the teacher of any irregular sleep patterns, any changes in bowels, etc. will allow the teacher to adjust the child's day as needed. The parent should always inform the teacher of any medical issues the child might have, as well as how these issues are treated at home.
KATHY: As a teacher for a new child, I like to first visit the child and parents casually in their home. I’ll talk with the parents about their child—what they see as the child’s strengths and needs, what they are hoping for as a result of our sessions. During this time, I can observe the child in a non-demanding environment. Afterwards, I’ll work to interact a bit, observing responses and social engagement.
This initial visit would be the perfect time to share with your teacher: Any medical conditions that could impact learning in any way (i.e. allergies, digestive difficulties, etc.); any sensory sensitivity that you may be aware of: sounds, sights, tactile stimuli, etc.; and any behavioral concerns you may have.
In addition, I like to leave parents with a small questionnaire that I call a “reinforcer survey”. It asks to list your child’s favorites in a variety of areas: toys, food, TV shows, activities, etc. Whether or not they actually serve as reinforcers during a learning session is yet to be seen. Some will, and others won’t. However, having this input from the parents does serve as a springboard into a successful learning exchange with the child, until I come to know him for myself.
All three teachers agreed that communication is the number one factor for success when your child is beginning in a school setting or starting at a new school. Most of our children can’t communicate for themselves, so we need to make sure we are getting an accurate account of their progress by taking every opportunity to reach out to the teaching staff and encouraging them to do the same for us.
Other topics touched on during the Q&As included the importance of working with the teacher to inspire your child to become more independent, inquiring about special services that may be available to your child, and the fact that everything is a teaching experience.
I also asked the teachers what parents shouldn’t expect from teachers and the answers were quite realistic and understandable.
Angela pointed out that, “Parents sometimes take their frustration out on teachers [and] blame the teacher if the child doesn't make progress or if the child is not ready to move to a less restrictive environment…I guess I'm trying to say that a parent shouldn't expect a teacher to try to meet all the child's goals at once and that sometimes the child needs time to attain a goal while waiting to start on the next one.”
Jenn added, “Parents shouldn't expect the school to ’watch’ the child when he/she is sick, tired, or not feeling up to par. We work in an educational facility and if the child is not working productively, the teachers are not able to meet his/her goals. Additionally, during home services the parent should always be present in the home. I have seen many parents who use home hours as an opportunity to go grocery shopping or run errands. In these situations, the home care provider essentially becomes a ‘babysitter.’ Whether the parent is involved in the home services, receiving parent training, or just present in the home, the home care provider should never be left alone or taken advantage of.”
I think the one thing I would add to all of this good advice is this: fight for your child. Over the course of your child’s education you’ll have dozens of meetings and be told what’s good for your son or daughter. You’ll be told what is and isn’t possible for you to get for your child. And, sadly, you might be told that your child won’t become a productive member of society. Never take any of that as the absolute answer—research everything and have the strength to stand up for what you believe is best for your child. Don’t be the parent that just signs off on everything and expects the professionals to do what’s right.
I want to express my utmost gratitude to Angela, Jenn, and Kathy for their time and help with this article. Their devotion and love of their students gives me hope that there are others out there like them looking out for the growing number of children with autism needing well-trained teachers. As the rate of autism diagnoses continues to climb, the demand for proper education also rises. As Mikey said, “Watch out world, here we come!”
Dan Olawski blogs about fatherhood and his son Mikey for the Autism Society. He lives with his family on Long Island, N.Y., where he works as a writer/editor. His time is spent following Mikey with a vacuum cleaner, watching his beloved New York Yankees and continuing his pursuit of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. He can be contacted at dantheeditorman@gmail.com.
Topics:Education
A Wonderful Artist Shares His Talent with the Autism Society
September 19, 2011
By Autism Society
The Sept. 17th New York Times article, “Autistic and Seeking a Place in the Adult Word,” features Justin Canha, a young man with autism who is a talented artist.
The Autism Society was honored to share Justin’s artwork in the First Edition 2009 Autism Advocate called “The Culture of Autism,” which was completely authored and illustrated by individuals on the autism spectrum. Scroll down to view Justin’s featured artwork.
For more information about how you can receive the Autism Advocate, visit the Become a Member page.
Topics:Living with Autism
Awareness: The Common Answers to September 11th and Autism
September 14, 2011
By Dan Olawski
“I wish I was a little kid like you,” I said as I held my three-year-old niece, Kristin. She looked at me and smiled and said, “Nahhhhh!” It was September 12, 2001, and the sadness and frustration I felt in my heart was being slightly alleviated by the sweet innocence of a young child who had no clue of the horrible events of the previous day, and who thought I was just being silly Uncle Dan.
It’s now ten years later and I still haven’t figured out how to explain the kind of evil and violence committed on 9/11. My niece and her sister are old enough now to talk about it, ask questions and try to understand that tragic day. But my autistic son, Mikey, is only six and has no concept of that sort of thing. His only realization that September 11, 2011, was an important, solemn day was watching mommy and daddy’s faces show their emotions as we watched the memorial services.
Many children with autism have a hard time interpreting other people’s emotions. Mikey is usually okay with it. And although we didn’t treat him any differently, I think he could tell that the 9/11 anniversary was an emotional day. In a way, I guess I’m glad he couldn’t ask any questions about 9/11…because I really don’t know how I could have explained it to him in any sensible kind of way.
My wife and I weren’t touched personally by the tragedy of 9/11. We didn’t lose anyone to that act of evil. My connection was purely emotional. I grew up close to Manhattan in New Jersey, and from the window of my parents’ apartment I could see the New York City skyline. When I visit them now, and look out that same window, the absence of the Twin Towers from that skyline is a telling reminder.
I realized that the majestic buildings that I saw every day as a child (and that I visited many times as an adult) were gone forever. I couldn’t show them to Mikey. It seemed like such a weird concept to me. They were there when I was a child; why couldn’t I show them to my own child?
I suddenly became overwhelmed with all the intertwining thoughts of 9/11 and my daily questions about autism. The common question that kept arising in my mind about both issues was: Why? I knew I couldn’t answer this question well enough to satisfy myself, so I decided to get some fresh air.
I turned to Mikey and said, “Do you want to go for a ride on your bike?” I got his customary, “Yesh!” as an answer, so I went and grabbed his helmet and got his bike ready. As we headed out around the block, my one hand helping him steer and the other guiding his bike so his training wheels wouldn’t constantly run over my toes, I suddenly felt as far away from the violence of that horrible September day and as close to innocence as I could get.
As we made our way back down the block to go home, Mikey looked at me with a smile that said, “Thanks, Daddy! This is fun!” I then realized the answer to both of the troubling issues I had been struggling with earlier in the day. The answer was, and always will be, LOVE. Not necessarily a religious type of love or a hippie type of love…just a love that we should strive for as human beings -- that although we are different in some ways, we aren’t different enough that we can’t care about each other.
It’s really all about awareness. We all need to take a second to pause and think about what makes us all different: Maybe that person is from another country, perhaps they are a different faith than us or maybe they have autism. Awareness and understanding are the first steps to reaching the love that this world needs. Won’t you take that first step with me and try to learn about someone different than yourself? One way, perhaps, would be to learn about autism by checking out the great resources on the Autism Society's web site.
Dan Olawski blogs about fatherhood and his son Mikey for the Autism Society. He lives with his family on Long Island, N.Y., where he works as a writer/editor. His time is spent following Mikey with a vacuum cleaner, watching his beloved New York Yankees and continuing his pursuit of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. He can be contacted at dantheeditorman@gmail.com.
Topics:Living with Autism
Autism Awareness: The Missing Piece
September 8, 2011
By Natalie Davis, Miss Minnesota 2011
Hi America!
My name is Natalie Davis, and I am so blessed to be Miss Minnesota 2011. I will be competing for the title of Miss America this January, so be sure to tune into ABC to watch the pageant LIVE from Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas on Saturday, January 14.
My personal platform is Autism Awareness: The Missing Piece, and it is inspired by my younger brother Trevor, who has Asperger’s Syndrome. I am so proud of Trevor for everything he has accomplished despite his challenges. He is a part-time student at St. Cloud State University, an excellent creative writer (his goal is to be a children’s book author one day!) and an Eagle Scout. My underlying message is that with hard work and a strong support system, people with ASD can lead successful and productive lives.
Trevor recently completed his first acting class at SCSU. I always knew that Trevor was expressive (he was on the speech team, and he is very creative and plain old hilarious), but I had never seen him perform with other people. When families were invited to watch the students perform skits on the final day of class, I was wringing my hands. I am always nervous for Trevor because I want him to succeed, and if something went wrong with his skit, I wasn’t sure how he would react. As it turned out, he did an amazing job! He got the most laughs of anyone in the class, and later he told me that one of his partners had messed up and said his line by mistake. He hadn’t even reacted! Trevor continues to amaze me with his growth and development. Had someone described Trevor to me in this way 10 years ago, I never would have believed them, but because of our strong family support system and Trevor’s incredible work ethic, he continues to move forward.
I know that right now, as you read this, many of you are rolling your eyes and thinking, “Oh boy…a beauty pageant…a bunch of girls strutting around in heels, swimsuits, and big hair…” Well, in all honesty, you may be right about that, but in my six years of experience with this program, I have found that Miss America is much more than a beauty pageant.
Miss America exists to foster the growth and development of young women, encouraging them to promote their voices in culture, politics and the community. It is the world’s largest scholarship program for women, making available more than $45 million in scholarship assistance each year. Miss America is also a leading service organization. It has a national partnership with the Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals, an organization that helps millions of children in need of medical assistance each year. The Miss America Organization also promotes over 12,000 individual service platforms each year.
I am so excited for the opportunity to partner with both the Autism Society of Minnesota and the Autism Society of America during my year of service as Miss Minnesota. I hope to be a strong voice for the autism community as I share my family’s story with thousands of people across the nation.
To learn more about the Miss Minnesota Organization, please visit www.missminnesota.org. To follow me during my year as Miss Minnesota, read my blog at www.nataliedavis.weebly.com.
God bless!
Natalie Davis
Miss Minnesota 2011
Topics:Living with Autism
How a Rocky Beach, Smelly Seaweed and Freezing Water Brought Happiness and Inspiration to My Family
September 7, 2011
By Dan Olawski
I don’t know how to swim... I’m turning 45 this week, but I don’t know how to swim. Just never learned. I didn’t grow up around the beach or swimming pools. I spent my summer days on the baseball field instead.
Consequently, my trips to the beach have always been cautious ones. I love the beach (the sound of the ocean soothes me like a lullaby and the waves always tempt me to follow them into the sea). But I’ve never felt daring, or comfortable enough, to venture into the water any farther than knee level or to tempt fate in any way.
That all changed recently. On a vacation with my family to Sandwich, Mass., on Cape Cod, my six-year-old son with autism, Mikey, inspired me to ignore my fears and be brave -- bravery inspired not by words, but by actions that spoke volumes.
As parents of children with autism, we’re usually the ones doing the inspiring. It is a fact of life for us to teach and encourage our kids to bring out the best in them. But every once in a while, the student becomes the teacher.
I don’t know if it’s the influence of autism or if it’s just a character trait, but Mikey is unfazed by a lot of things that most typical children would be turned off by or would whine about. When he wants to do something, he sets his mind to it and a single-focused stubbornness blocks everything else out.
At the beach, Mikey loves to walk to the water’s edge and feel the waves splash on his feet. That feeling brings the biggest smile to his face and a genuine laugh of pure enjoyment that is so contagious you can’t help but smile with him. He is fearless when the waves come in and often tries to pull his way deeper into the water...not the best idea, considering he doesn’t yet know how to swim.
The beach in Sandwich was unlike any other we’d been to before. It was very rocky, with several jetties, and the water was full of foul-smelling seaweed...oh, and the water was FREEZING! None of that was a deterrent to Mikey. He wanted to play in that water with his bucket and that’s what he was going to do...and that meant that’s what daddy was going to do, too.
As we stepped carefully over submerged rocks, detangled smelly seaweed from our legs and braved the frigid water, the smile on Mikey’s face said it all. The look of pure joy and accomplishment was all I needed to see how much fun he was having. It almost made the feeling of hypothermia in my legs bearable.
As we played in the water, my eyes would frequently glance over at this amazing jetty that extended from our beach out into the water. I’ve always loved jetties, but never was brave enough to walk out to the very end of one, especially not one that went out as far into the water as this one did.
Each day at the beach was the same routine. Mikey and I would brave the water and then play in the sand for a while. Mikey’s full attention was on getting back to the water as much as possible. I admired his passion for overcoming the challenges of the water to do something he really wanted to do. It’s that passion that finally inspired me to do what I had wanted to do for so long.
Mikey was playing in the sand one afternoon after we’d returned from the water. I was stretched out on my side studying the jetty. I finally rolled over, turned to my wife and said, “I think I’m going to walk out on that jetty.” I don’t know who was more shocked, my wife or me at the words that had come out of my mouth. She said, “Are you sure?” I paused a second, looked at Mikey and then back at my wife, and said, “Yeah, I am.”
I walked over to where the jetty began its stretch into the sea. The tide was out so far that the entire length of the jetty was exposed and stretched out farther than most people would swim. There were jagged rocks sticking out in all directions, and it would take a very deliberate path and a delicate step to make it to the end. I was scared. I’m 6’3” and not the most graceful guy, but I WANTED to do this.
And...I did!
As I stood at the end of the jetty and waved to my wife, Mikey and the rest of our family, I felt a great sense of accomplishment and knew that my little boy’s bravery was my inspiration. And, no, he’s not just brave because he goes into freezing, smelly water. He’s brave because of what he does every day. All of our children are that brave and that inspiring.
So, the next time you’re feeling that hesitation to do something you want to do, and the shyness or fear has put that lump in your throat, think of our children, who, like Mikey, brave a world each day that they don’t understand and that doesn’t understand them. Then, take a deep breath and...walk out onto the jetty.
Dan Olawski blogs about fatherhood and his son Mikey for the Autism Society. He lives with his family on Long Island, N.Y., where he works as a writer/editor. His time is spent following Mikey with a vacuum cleaner, watching his beloved New York Yankees and continuing his pursuit of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. He can be contacted at dantheeditorman@gmail.com.
Topics:Living with Autism
Teaching Students with Asperger Syndrome for the First Time
August 23, 2011
By Dan Coulter
You’re a teacher. You’ve just found out that you’re going to have a student with Asperger Syndrome (AS) in class this year. You’re in for an interesting year. And that’s not coded language for "brace yourself." It’s a real-life perspective that teaching a child with AS often gives you as many opportunities as challenges.
First, the nuts and bolts stuff. Asperger Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum. It’s an increasingly common diagnosis and many kids with AS are in regular school classes.
Kids with Asperger Syndrome can have a variety of symptoms and behaviors, but they generally have problems with social and communications skills. That’s only half the story, though. They also typically have IQs in the normal to very superior range. Asperger Syndrome has sometimes been described as "little professor" syndrome, because often kids with AS become walking encyclopedias about topics that interest them. And therein lies one of the biggest problems for these kids. Many look so normal and are so advanced in some ways that it’s hard for people to understand why one can’t read a teacher’s facial expression, or another has trouble making eye contact, or a third takes expressions literally and misses implied meanings.
It can be tough to fathom why a child who has an extensive vocabulary and knows the material you assign inside out can’t seem to hold a casual conversation with a classmate.
Here’s the good news. You can often build on that child’s strengths to help him modify his "out of the norm" behaviors and make a lot of positive contributions to your class.
That’s really the bottom line for you: finding ways to make the year a good experience for every child in the room, including the one with AS -- and, of course, for you.
You can’t discount your needs in the process. So let’s make them a priority, too. First, you may want to learn a bit more about Asperger Syndrome. One of the most user-friendly sources is the www.aspennj.org website. It’s run by a non-profit "education network" with a lot of clear, easy to access information. Their "What Is Asperger Syndrome?" page is a great concise overview of AS. Your school counselors may also have information or may be able to put you in touch with other teachers who’ve had experience with AS.
Once you understand a bit about AS, a child’s parents often can help you understand how it affects him or her. You’re not asking them to tell you how to teach, you’re looking for accurate information that can help you determine ways to successfully direct and motivate their child. You anbened the parents may even be able to cooperate to identify behaviors a child needs to work on and reinforce them at home and at school.
For example, many kids with AS are impulsive. You may teach a student who loves class participation, but has trouble sensing when she should stop talking and give someone else a chance. You might work out some signals that only the two of you and her parents know (like putting your hand to your chin as if you’re considering what’s being said or walking to stand right in front of that student’s desk) that cue her it’s time to stop talking. If you have a student with AS who is especially eager to participate, you may want to routinely call on that student first or second, so he isn’t coming out of his chair in his eagerness to contribute.
Students with AS often need structure and respond best when they have clear, consistent direction. Some teachers find it works to post homework assignments in the same place every day. That could be on a blackboard, whiteboard, or bulletin board. It also helps to announce tests well in advance and routinely remind the class of the dates when longer term projects are due. Such techniques usually benefit the entire class.
There are lots of specific things you can do, but the most important thing is your approach. Your approach is the magic bullet that can help the entire class learn one of the lessons that matters most to all of us: how to accept and get along with a variety of people.
When I was in elementary school, we had a category on our report cards called, "citizenship." There are all sorts of outside pressures that tear at the kind of behavior that got you an "A" is citizenship. TV commercials routinely encourage viewers to be greedy with their products. The message: if you want to be cool, keep the best stuff for yourself -- people who care about other people are suckers. Commercials that target kids also talk a lot about having “attitude,” in a way that confuses confidence with arrogance and selfishness. Comedians casually toss around the word "retarded" as an insult.
Teachers can serve as a powerful role model to counteract these negative influences. Having a child with Asperger Syndrome in your class gives you the chance to show your students that people who have challenges can also have strengths. That in looking past someone’s quirks, you can find someone worth knowing. That life is richer if you don’t solely interact with kids who are like clones of yourself.
Academics can be a bridge. My son has Asperger Syndrome and was not sought after for teams on the playground. But back in class, kids would eagerly seek to get Drew on their academic teams because he routinely knew the right answers. That’s not to say every kid with AS is an academic whiz, but most have special interests and strengths.
The first signal to a class on how to treat a child with Asperger Syndrome often comes from the teacher. If students sense that a teacher is impatient and critical of an AS student’s behaviors, it’s like declaring open season to ignore or tease him -- in and out of class. Approach that student with patience and respect, and you’ve set that tone for everyone else. It can mean the world to some kids with AS just to have other kids say, "Hello."
One of the key issues you may face is helping a student tell the rest of the class about Asperger Syndrome. Whether or not to disclose a disability is a decision for the student and his parents. If they decide to tell the class, you can play an important role in treating Asperger Syndrome as just another one of those differences that we all have. In my experience, other kids are more likely to give a student who has some odd behaviors the benefit of the doubt if they know the reason.
A student might choose to talk with the class himself about AS, or his parents might make a presentation or bring in a psychologist or other expert. Some kids with AS want to be in the room for such a presentation and some don’t.
If you take part, here’s a tip I picked up. It’s a good idea to write "Asperger Syndrome" on the board and pronounce it for the class right off the bat. This makes it less likely that some comic in your class will hear the name as "Ass Burger" and have a field day with it. You might even mention that the condition is named after a Viennese doctor named Hans Asperger who identified the syndrome more than 50 years ago.
I find kids are interested to know that Dan Aykroyd from Saturday Night Live said in a National Public Radio interview that he has Asperger Syndrome. He said he’s obsessed with police work and carries a police badge with him wherever he goes. There’s a fair amount of speculation that people such as Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Isaac Newton had AS. Even though no one can prove historical figures had the syndrome, I think it’s fair to note that these folks all had documented behaviors which are common to people with AS. The point is not to suggest that every kid with AS is a genius, but that people with AS can have a range of talents.
Having a kid with Asperger Syndrome in your class may be the greatest opportunity in your career to change a student’s life for the better. My son’s about to head off for his senior year of college, and my wife and I always enjoy getting the chance to visit with some of the great teachers he’s had along the way to let them know how he’s doing -- and thank them.
Here’s thanking you for reading this article and for being interested in helping that student in your class who needs something extra to make it.
He’ll remember you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR -- Dan Coulter is the producer of the videos "ASPERGER SYNDROME: Success in the Mainstream Classroom" and "INTRICATE MINDS: Understanding Classmates with Asperger Syndrome." You can find more articles on his website: www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2005 Dan Coulter All Rights Reserved Used By Permission
Interested in more information about Asperger’s Syndrome? The Autism Society’s website includes history, characteristics, diagnosis and resources.
Topics:Education
The Creative Process: Part II of an Interview with Author Katie Bridges
August 15, 2011
By Autism Society
Katie Bridges has received awards for her juvenile science fiction novel Warriors of the Edge: The Search for Stone. She maintains multiple blogs about writing, life as a person with Asperger’s Syndrome, futurism and other topics at her website, www.warriorsoftheedge.com.
Missed Part I on Friday? Read it now.
AS: How has your first novel, Warriors of the Edge: The Search for Stone, been received?
KB: I have been fortunate in that my writings have strong reader appeal across all age groups. This helps immensely in getting my book known by word of mouth. I depend upon reader comments to help generate interest in my book. I have found that other people are far better in promoting my story than I am.
I have not been fortunate in getting a single publisher or agent to read anything I write. “If you can’t get anyone to read your writing, go with self-publishing, so you can prove your book has reader appeal,” I was told. So, I did. And I haven’t regretted it. I was immediately awarded with the Editor’s Choice and Rising Star awards, very rare honors for a children’s novel, allowing my book to be featured on Barnes and Noble’s Rising Star page. This was the stamp of credibility that pronounced my book to be on equal terms with books coming out of major publishing houses.
AS: How does it feel to be a published author?
KB: Nerve-wracking. I can understand J.K. Rowling’s desire to hide once her first book became popular. She was so stressed that she couldn’t even sleep. The more attention I get, the more challenging it becomes for me. But I knew it would be difficult for me long before my book came out. I told my husband, “If my book doesn’t go anywhere, I’m going to be really shook up. And if my book takes off, I’m going to be really shook up.”
He said, “Well, you can’t win this one, can you?”
It helps when I tell myself to expect a period of adjustment for every step I take into new territory. I am adjusting and learning new coping methods to deal with brand-new things that I’ve never had to do before. It helps to be surrounded by support too.
AS: How do your stories reflect your life experiences?
KB: My stories are symbolic of my own life in many ways. You wouldn't necessarily be able to pick out what I've been through from reading my stories, but there are bits and pieces of me in many of my characters. I am like the main character, Tarek, who was forced into silence through a mute machine. In this way, he symbolizes my struggle with verbal communication. His best friend Masker is bullied, but only slightly. I minimized by own experiences with being bullied, so as not to disturb young readers. I am a bit like Masker’s mom, who suffers from anxiety and fear of all kinds. Tarek’s dad symbolizes my husband and the kind of relationship we have. I tend to buck the status quo and look for new ways of doing things, like the teenage Radley. And yet I feel guilty when I break the rules, just like the rule-abiding Minda.
AS: What advice do you have for aspiring writers, especially those with autism?
KB: Look to your strengths and build on them to compensate for any areas of weakness that you may have. Maybe you enjoy research, but suffer from a lack of confidence. Use your knack for research to build confidence in yourself. As you gain knowledge from digging deep into your favorite area, you will begin to feel that you can accomplish something with all that you’ve gained. Maybe you are repetitive, but struggle to see the big picture. Use your repetitive nature to rewrite that same paragraph or chapter again and again. As you absorb yourself into it, it will grow in your mind little by little until you begin to see the big picture. Maybe you enjoy creating details, but struggle to come up with dialogue. Use your detail-oriented mind to come up with ways for your character to say something and then choose the best dialogue. What you lack in one area, you can make up for in another. Learn as much about yourself as you do about writing, and the two will work together to bring excellence to what you produce.
Develop the practice of clever writing. Spend time every day trying to come up with a single clever thought, interesting turn of phrase or unique sentence. It may take time to come up with something, but once you do, you’ll get a feel for it. Then it will come easier for you the next time around. It’s a way of training your brain to think in a new way. Above all, have fun. If you’re having fun, your stories will reflect that feeling of enjoyment to your readers.
Topics:Living with Autism
